Who Are You When You Can't Control The Outcome(s) You Desire?
I packed my bags for London the night before we left. I had my outfits planned out, from my shoes to my accessories, all my looks were nicely prepared. Similarly, me even going to London (I thought I wasn’t going), my outfit choices didn’t pan out how I expected them to. So, I improvised and went on a shopping spree at Primark. My top was £1 😎
Aside from low level shifts like switching up my outfits, which I could’ve allowed (actually it almost did) to ruin my trip. My outfits not going as planned got thinking about how I/we handle changes that are outside of our plans. I don’t know about you but I have control issues.
I say I go with the flow. But, that actually means I go through 1,000 scenarios in my head so whatever happens, I’ve already mentally prepared myself for the possible “flow“. I’ve considered as many outcomes as possible, so I can mentally prepare for them as much as possible.
Not only is this stressful asf, but it puts into perspective how much I need to control things, people, events in my life. When a scenario happens that wasn’t a part of the 1,000 I imagined I have a mini anxiety attack. When I can’t or I’m not in control of the outcome, I’m insecure asf. When things don’t go my way, I’m triggered and my insecurities are revealed.
I don’t like it but I do appreciate being triggered. It’s an opportunity to learn about myself and the insecurities I need address/work on. There’s no one or easy answer, just questions to dive deeper into understanding myself, healing, and evolving. These are the same questions I want US to talk about. Yes, that’s right, I would like for you to ask yourself these questions as well.
Tell me, are you a control freak? Perfectionist? Do you plan out every detail of your day, week, year, life? In the event that things don’t go the way you planned, how do you respond? I want to hear from you in the comments and how you deal with/in those moments.
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