All About Love

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For my bedtime routine, I'm currently reading, All About Love by bell hooks. As a Gender Studies major, pretty much all my classes are reading and writing. So, I try to sneak in reading for pleasure to take a break. bell hooks spoke to my soul after I read chapter 1 from her book Teaching to Transgress. It was my first time reading her work and I connected with her words instantly. 

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As a McNair Scholar, I'm preparing myself for grad school by conducting research for two years. The research is a topic of my choice, and if you've been paying attention, I can be a bit...indecisive. In the Spring, I explored W.E.B DuBois double consciousness, this summer I entertained the psychology of beauty, and now this semester my topic is black women's wellness. 

I believe the other topics could've worked but I feel closer to my current topic which fits like a glove. Women, Black women, self-love, and sisterhood are a part of who I am. I integrate them into everything that I do. 

A perfect example of that is the topic of my papers in my classes. In my Introduction to Psychology course, for my final paper I'm researching the differences in postpartum for students verse non students. In African American Intellectual Thought,  I'm writing a paper on the challenges and pleasures of being a successful Black women. 

I feel so passionate about building support for Black women and I'll never be sorry about that. 

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Next semester, with the guidance of my McNair mentor, Carmen Kynard, I'll be diving deep into my research topic on Black women's wellness. From bell hooks, to Alice Walker, and Patricia Hill Collins, my focus will be on getting specific and understanding the material that already exists on black women's wellness. I feel honored to be able to do research based on my interests, with the greatest mentor.

This is the most excited i've been since the start of my academic journey. I'm still in disbelief that I get to study a topic so close to my heart. And forget about how amazing the McNair program is. When I'm searching my school's website for opportunities and I come across the McNair page, I always read the eligibility and benefits. I still can't believe I was chosen and receive all these benefits. Like, whattt, ya'll gonna do all that for me, me?

The idea of a higher education felt out of reach and yet here I am preparing for a research Ph.D. I don't ever want to lose touch with this gratitude and slight disbelief. 

I am aware of the boundaries between me feeling grateful and me feeling like I don't deserve  my achievements. I understand that I will always have to manage my own imposter syndrome. But I never want to forget where I came from. It allows me to appreciate how far I've come  and where I'm going. 

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